Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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