On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
