Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
