you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
