have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
