I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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