george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
