Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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