Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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