Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
