I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
