i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
