Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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