no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
my liver is dry heaving
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
