i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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