I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
