I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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