White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
