If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
