this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
