you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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