I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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