I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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