did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
