She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
