you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
