I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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