I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
