i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
