Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
