we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
In America we eat man semen.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
