im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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