At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
