This is not my ceiling
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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