he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
