Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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