Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
