Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your penis caused this!
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