wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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