i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
