jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
