apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
