lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
