what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
