We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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