chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
