to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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