Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
