ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
