imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
