Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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