i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
