I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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