The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
