For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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