I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
