Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
