I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
