Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
