There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
