Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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