she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
