I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize