I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
