I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
