Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
